why does it sound so familiar?
9/14/09
1:57 AM
these past fews days...things are starting to confuse me...
why? he made me watch this certain anime...
i told him that im not really into anime but he insisted...i really should watch it...
so, i watched it...
as i watched it..i grew more and more confused...why does he want me to watch it???
watching it was painful enough...
the characters... the story... why is this anime similar to our STORY???
this is practically the story(of the anime)...
a girl transferred to the guy's school. they became friends since they have the same interest.
they rather stay inside their classroom during recess time and just eat there...
they also love staying in the library...
they planned to enter the same middle school...but it didn't quite happen since the girl has to move to another place...
they communicated through letters...
and this is OUR story...
he was the one who transferred to my school...
we became bestfriends since we share the same interest and we're both quiet...
i remember back then, i was too lazy to go to the canteen...
so, he would buy me some food(using my money of course) and he would stay with me and we would eat our snacks together...
since i was the representative of the school in a certain competition, my coach wants me to review during free time...but i hated it...so he would accompany me in the library and we would hide there while reading books...
then...we decided to study in the same high school...but...my parents DID NOT enroll me in his school...and they enrolled me in another school...
but, even after our separation...we communicated using letters...(his sister was my sister's classmate...and i would give the letter to my sister...my sister to his sister...and his sister to him...)...
even though we both have phones...we still communicated using letters...lol...
see...it's very similar...
after i finished watching it...i texted him...but...he didn't reply...
sigh...i really don't get him...
he's sooo unpredictable...(like me...)
i want you back...
9/11/09
12:14 AM
after 6 years of separation...we finally had a decent conversation which includes our dark high school life and some tears...
it all started when i invited him and his family to have dinner in our house.
there were a lot of people and the only chair left was the long bench...so, we moved it near the table so we can eat...
he sat beside me... and we said nothing while eating..
believe me...it was awkward...
since i was actually the silent type(yes..believe me..I DON'T TALK IF THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE) i didn't start a conversation even if he was my bestfriend...
so, he texted me...
i was about to reply...but i can't send any message...i found out that i texted a friend who uses a sim card of a different operator... so, my unlimited text was gone...
so, i asked for pasaload from my dad... he sent it to me...but, my unli got expired...so, using the pasaload...i texted my friend to give me load....lol...
when i received it... he was already on his way home...
errr...
so...i slap myself for being so stupid and for being painfully shy...
but, as i was about to sleep, i heard my phone beep...
i receive a text message...from him...
he told me why i didn't reply to his message while we were eating...
i told him what happened..
he thought that i didn't want to talk to him..even in text...
(our relationship is kind of pathetic isn't it??)
he also told me that he felt awkward when we're together...since we have nothing to talk about...
i told him i felt the same...
then, we reached to a point where i was crying because i remembered that a close of friend of mine is leaving...
i told him that i blame myself for my friend's departure...
i also told him that it happened to me in the past for several times...
everytime i find a new friend(a close friend)...it seems that they end up leaving me...
what he told me next made me cry...not because of too much sadness...but because of joy...
"distance is not important. communication is what's important. see what's happening now?? im here, talking to my bestfriend in grade school..."
im happy that he considered me as a bestfriend...really..
then...i told him that i have a difficulty in searching for new friends because of i'm anti-social...and i told him that im possessive when i comes to friends. i don't want my bestfriend to have other friends...
he told me this:
"well..that's the problem. when we think that we depend too much on our current friends. but, if they leave. we have to deal with it. friends are like a jigsaw puzzle pieces... they complete us.. but, if they got lost, they have to find other friends to complete them. same goes for you..."
he also talked about why the atmosphere so awkward if we're in the same room...
"maybe we just forgot what we use to do before..."
(honestly...before...we would just sit beside each other. just silently eating. and we enjoyed that kind of relationship before. we don't talk that much..."
then, i asked him.."have you ever thought of what would have had happened if we studied in the same school back in high school?? sometimes, i wish i spend my high school life with you. High school has been the best and worst experience in my life..."
i told him about how i was bullied emotionally... and all the bad experiences i had in high school.
this is his reply.." i didn't know about that. why would they bully you?? if i was around, i would have not allowed them to bully you...i would have had protected you..."
i told him about the details and he told me that they were just jealous of me...
he felt bad because he knew i was the sensitive type and i would cry over small things..
and that doesn't make things easier for me...
but, to make me feel better...he told me that i have something that most of those bullies don't have.and i should be proud of it...(yeah..those bullies were DUMB!!! and not to mention.. UGLY!!)
i told him how i suffered from manic depression(bipolar!!) because of the drama... and he told me to stop hurting myself.then, to make the mood lighter...he said it..
"too bad...i wasn't there... i should have walked in front of them and let them see my cute face. the attention would have diverted to me..."
then...i told him that i'm better now... since i don't received that much attention in the university. i dont hurt myself anymore... and im happier because of my low profile...
but this is what made me happy...
"IF you ever felt like that again...just text me... coz i don't want you to end up hurting yourself again..."
the rest of the conversation was lighter... most of them made me laughed...
then, i asked him to tell me his side of the story...
fortunately...he didn't experienced what i experienced...
but, he told me why he and his girlfriend(whom i really really really like before...coz she made my bestfriend happy) broke up... they were the golden couple...and i know that my bestfriend loved her... but, in the end...they have to part...
(im not telling the details...im gonna keep my mouth shut about this one...)
i heard his ex is now a drunk party girl...she's such a whore...
but, im happy that he didn't regret being with her. she made him a better person... so, im thankful for her because of that...
the rest of the conversation... i'll keep it as a secret...lol...
we fell asleep by 4 am in the morning..and we had to walk up early that day...
so, we're practically walking like some drunk dog or something...
i even fell asleep while eating and i also fell asleep on the DOOR...
haha...
but, it was the BEST SLEEPLESS NIGHT i ever had...
even though im kind of ashamed because i pour my heart out and blabbered about my HS life to him...
im just happy that...
I GOT MY BESTFRIEND BACK...
note: all the quotes were just paraphrase version of the real messages. since the messages where not typed in english. and i don't like sharing the real thing... for his privacy's sake...lol..
this time, i want to do it right
9/6/09
3:28 AM
a friend of mine is thinking of shifting to another course. yes, i do understand her. i, myself, am struggling to get a passing grade this semester.
you have no idea of how frustrated i am right now. last semester, i even got a high GWA(general weighted average). everything seems so easy. chemistry is like just counting 1,2,3... heck, i can even get a perfect score in our exam. but now, i can't seem to understand anything. it's like my teacher is teaching chemistry...in
GREEK!!! i've been having headaches in her class, just catching up with her lesson(which i really couldn't do.) what's wrong with me? im suppose to be good in chemistry. (I'm not saying in a CHEM WIZARD... im just saying that i can handle chem... well, not now though).
so, i talked to my parents about it. being closer to my dad, i talked to dad first. he told him about school, about struggles... etc. then, my dad replied... "You're blessed because all you should do is just study. Look at *points people*, she even have to work for her tuition, yet she managed to pass the class. If your teacher seems to talking in
GREEK, then try and
LEARN GREEK. "
of course, that speech made me realize something. "
I'M NOT DOING MY PART."
my dad even added this. "You can't understand your lesson, yet you spend 5 hours in front of the computer. Why don't you just use that 5 hours to study? That way, you would stop complaining."
LOL. dad, i will NEVER stop complaining. So, i did study. IN ADVANCE. when our teacher discussed it, i get it right away. so, i proved that the problem was not in our teacher, or in the subject, but it was ME and my study habits.
also, if i didn't understand the teacher, i should have asked for a consultation with our teacher. we are fortunate enough to get free consultation, right? but, what are we doing? if we don't understand our lesson, we DON'T do anything. we don't even try to study on our own.
sigh. i can't believe i thought of
SHIFTING. if i did, i would have faced other problems. i mean, there is no such thing as an
EASY COURSE right? in some way, we will face difficulties. it may not be the same for every course, but, we have to face the fact that
WE WILL ENCOUNTER MORE PROBLEMS.
and last but not the least, i would like to say(err...write) this...
we go to school because we want to learn new things. things we haven't learn before. we don't go to school to learn what we already know. OR not because we want to get high grades. we go to school to be educated. If we don't understand anything, then we should ASK. the world is not that cruel coz there are still people out there, willing to help us... they are just waiting for us.
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